Evanescence meets Jibbs
by Jennyngibbsbelong2getha
Summary: A mini collection of Jibbs stories set to new and old songs of Evanescence's. Self Harm waring for chapter three. Major Tissue warning for last chapter to.
1. Listen to the rain

**A/N**- I have changed around the order of the lyrics so if you reconigse them and think they don't make sense thats why lol.

Disclaimer- Not my lyrics or my charcters :(

**A/N 2- **Evanescence is my fav band ever and I really love their old songs and with the help of Verity have found a few that could really work with Jibbs stories so this is my new mini project while i'm still working on my other series. So here is like a mini series lolz. Hope you enjoy and remember to review :)

**Listen to the rain.**

_**Listen (listen) Listen (listen)  
Listen (listen) Listen (listen)  
Listen (listen) Listen (listen)  
Listen (listen) Listen (listen)**_

_**Please don't let go!  
Can't we stay for awhile?  
It's just too hard to say goodbye.  
Listen to the Rain!**_

**Flashback Previous Evening Abby's party.**

"You know Jethro I have a bottle of bourbon back at my place" She told him teasingly leaning over him giving him more than a eyeful of her clevage in the lowcut dress she was wearing for the occasion.

His eyes wandered down her body until she drunkly hit his arm missing most of it "Jethro" She half whined half slurred

He snapped his own drunk eyes up to hers and looked at her "Uhh so your place then?" He slurred

She nodded and reached for her car keys but his hand covered hers "We can't drive Jen" He pointed out to her

She tried to pull his hand off hers couldn't he firmly picked up her hand and pulled her towards the front door where Abby was standing still greeting people that were pouring in hours after the party had orignally started she saw Gibbs and Jen leaning against each other with his arm around her and couldn't help but smile she had to stop herself from jumping up and down cause she knew that she was going to win the bet that her Tony, McGee, Ziva and Ducky had started that afternoon. She raised her eyebrows as they aproached her "Are you guys leaving now?" She asked them her voice almost a whine at the thought of the pair that she considered 'Her parents' to be leaving so early. She had called them a cab and made sure they had gotten in ok when she heard Gibbs give the cab driver Jens address she did squeal with exictment as the cab pulled away and hurried back into her apartment to tell everyone else the news about 'The Parents'.

When they reached Jens house they shed each others clothing leaving a trail from her front door up the stairs across the landing into her bedroom when he threw her onto the bed her squeal of suprise made him even more exicted as he nipped at her neck then teased her with trails of butterfly kisses all over her body.

Before she knew it they had made love and were lying in each others arms both short of breath as the curled around each other.

"I love you" She whispered to him as he fell asleep.

_**Listen listen listen ... to the Rain  
Weeping.**_

She woke up and reached across her large bed to grab her lovers hand but instead she found cold sheets and a empty bed she sat up sudendly wincing from the pounding headache that she had. She thought he was downstairs making coffee so she dressed in a hurry and walked down into the kitchen but found no sign of him there either. Thats when it hit her like a cold shower he had gone, he had left sometime in the night after they had made love _No it wasn't making love it was a drunken mistake at least to him it was _she thought angry at herself _How could I have read so much into it we were both drunk he probaly would have taken the first women home who hit on him _she thought brushing away that tears that she was unaware had even fallen from her eyes she got her things ready and saw that she was running late hurried out the door for work.

She avoided him all day hiding in her office or MTAC she was suprised when he sent Ziva up to demand a help in gaining a search warrant. She had left the office as soon as she could making sure that she left while his team were out hunting down a suspect.

_**Listen to each drop of rain (listen listen)  
whispering secrets in vain, (listen listen)  
Frantically searching for someone to hear  
their story before they hit ground.**_

_**Listen listen listen ... to the Rain  
Weeping.  
**_She slammed her front door so hard that the chandler that covered the light in her foyer shook. She shed her coat leaving it drapped over a chair but she didn't care she walked straight past the study and the bourbon bottle that she would usualy turn to at times like this she marched straight into her bedroom and started pulling the duvet and sheets off her bed she flung open the windows even though it was raining she wanted to get rid of the smell of him. She put the sheets in the washing machine and dragged the heavy duvet into the guest bedroom pulling the one off the already made up bed in that room back into her own room then she took her pillows into the spare room and grabbed the ones of the bed in there and placed them on her own she then shut the door to the spare room wanting to shut out the smell of him that drenched her duvet and pillows. She made up her bed with fresh clean sheets then she closed her windows and drew the curtains wanting to shut out the rest of the world. She then shed her work clothes and realising that her pyjamas made her think about him she decided to sleep in her underwear she got into the bed and pulled the covers over her she closed her eyes wanting to shut out the outside world and all of her thoughts. But hours later she was still tossing and turning. Soon she found herself unable to stop her mind from running over the previous night when he had been in her bed she soon found her herself crying.

She couldn't stop the tears running down her face as she lay in the bed that still smelled like him even though she had changed the sheets and pillows she had even dragged the duvet in from the guest room. She turned over to stare at the wall she wouldn't have to look at the empty space that he had occupied last night. She closed her eyes and listened to the rain pouring down outside wishing that it could wash away the smell and memory of him but no luck she turned over again but faced with the empty space just made her tears flow faster and her mind taunt her even more deciding that she had enough she threw the covers off her body and stood up pulling on the clothes that she had left on the floor when she had hurridly shed them hours eariler once she was dressed she hurried downstairs grabbing her car keys off the table in her foyer she hurried out her front door and to her car that was sitting in the driveway she had forgotten a coat and her shirt was plastered to her skin by the time she had gotten into her car. She naviagated her way through the pouring rain until she found herself parked in none other than the man that was the cause of her pain, anger, hurt and frustration.

_**I stand alone in the storm.  
Suddenly sweet words take hold:  
"Hurry!" they say, "for you haven't much time!  
"Open your eyes to the love around you;  
"you may feel you're alone,  
"but I'm here still with you.  
"You can do what you dream,  
"just remember to  
"Listen to the Rain."**_

_**Listen (listen) Listen (listen)  
Listen (listen) Listen (listen)**_  
She got out of her car and slammed the door struggling to jam the key in the lock so she could lock the car but the rain pouring down made it hard in the end she gave up and ran up his driveway heading for his front door which she found unlocked _should I really be suprised _she thought_ he is always leaving it unlocked_. She closed the front door out of the rain for the first time she realised just how drenched she was. She was now shaking as she made her way down to his basement. She shakily walked down the stairs the whole time not even thinking about what she was going to say to him when she reached the bottom she found his eyes had been watching her on her shaky descent of his basement stairs. She walked across his basement floor till she was standing right in front of him she looked at him squarly in the eye but he still said nothing instead he looked at her his eyes full of obivious concern but also questions. She opened her mouth to speak but then realised that in her hurry to leave she hadn't even thought of what she was going to say to him he raised his eyebrows at her asking her a million silent questions all of which she had no answers for. She finally found her voice and instead of the questions she had come to ask him she heard herself yelling at him accusing the anger and vemon she heard herself throw at him made her want to cringe

"How could you" She heard herself scream at him

When he didn't answer she continued

"I was good enough for you to sleep with when you are drunk but you don't even stay around till the next morning! Whats wrong Jethro were you afraid I would want a marriage propsal or something?" She laughed bitterly at him.

But still he didn't speak he only raised one eyebrow at her and gave her a look that just drove her more crazy and sent her voice up a few more octives

"I can't believe I was so stupid to think that maybe it meant something to you that maybe it meant that you missed me as much as I missed you but no obiviously it was just a drunken mistake to you. I can't believe I was so stupid"

"And obiviously you are not going to say anything I don't know why I am wasting my breath" She laughed bitterly once again turning on her heel she spun around and walked angrily over to the bottom of the stairs scolding herself in her mind for letting her emotions get in the way when she reached the bottom and took the first step she felt his arm close around hers she stopped and looked down at his hand clamped firmly above her elbow she looked up at him her eyes full of hurt and anger

"Let me go Jethro" She told him coldly and her voice full of venom

But he didn't let go he tightned his grip on her and put his other arm around her waist lifting her off the bottom step so she was pulled flush against him her head even with his chest but she turned away not wanting to look at him she could feel tears welling up once again in her eyes and she was shaking from her rain drenched clothes.

"You need to get out of your wet clothes before you catch a cold have a shower and i'll find some dry clothes for you" He told her speaking softly

His calm tone almost angered her _how can he sound so calm and not even mention it? _she wondered angrily to herself. Almost like he was reading her mind he then said "We have to talk Jen but you need to get out of your wet clothes first and we both need some time to think"

She nodded knowing he was right but hating him for it at the same time _why must he always be right _she thought. He kept his arm around her but let go of her other arm he lead her up the stairs keeping her close to him when they reached the top of the stairs he led her through the kitchen into the hallway up the other set of stairs to his bathroom he flicked on the light keeping his arm around her keeping her close to him the whole time he felt her shaking uncontrolably now he turned the shower on and while waiting for it to warm up put both of his arms around her and pulled her close to give her his body heat while the shower warmed up. She closed her eyes and breathed in the scent of him loving it wishing that she could stay in his arms forever but then he pulled away and her eyes flew open and she rememberd why she was soaked and standing in his bathroom just after 3am in the morning.

"I'll leave some clothes for you outside the door Jen towels are over there" He told her motioning to the stand against the other wall. "When you're done come down to the lounge and we can talk" He then walked out the bathroom closing the door softly behind him.

Half a hour later she walked down the stairs wearing a old NIS grey jumper of his along with sweatpants of his that she had rolled up at the top so they would fit her slender frame. She walked into the kitchen and was suprised to see him drinking hot chocolate instead of his usual coffee she walked over to him and accepted the cup that he held out to her he then put his hand on her lower back and guided her through to the lounge where he sat her down on the couch then sat beside her and he started talking,

"It wasn't a mistake Jen I just...I just didn't know how you were going to feel waking up with a killer hangover and me next to you I didn't want to make things hard for you" He explained softly watching her carefully as he explained

She put the cup down on the table and looked at him as he finished speaking watching his eyes as he talked knowing that his eyes would never lie to her "I might have been drunk Jethro but I still knew what I was doing I would have taken you home with me even if I was sober" She told him reaching for his hand and linking her fingers through his rubbing her thumb over his palm.

He put his own cup down and cupped her face with his left hand and gently stroked his thumb over her cheek she closed her eyes loving how his touch felt against her skin he then lent in and kissed her when both of their lungs screamed for air they pulled away she opened her eyes again

"Are you going to be there when I wake up?" She asked him seriously

"This is my house you know Jen" He joked

She rolled her eyes and hit him in the chest "I mean it. I don't want to wake up tomorrow and find myself alone in your bed" She told him

He grabbed her hand and gently kissed each finger pad "I Kiss promise Kiss that Kiss I Kiss will Kiss He told her

She nodded weakly and allowed him to pull her up gently and he lead her back through the kitchen to the stairs then up to his bedroom.

Just before she closed the bedroom door she told him "I love you Jethro"

"I love you to Jen" He told her trailing butterfly kisses down her neck as she closed the bedroom door.

_**Listen listen listen ... to the Rain  
Weeping.**_

_**Listen (listen) Listen (listen)  
Listen (listen) Listen (listen)**_

**The End.**

Remember to Review more chapters up soon. xx


	2. Give unto me

I am still working on my stories for my other collection and these are so much shorter and so much fun to write so here is a kind of mini collection of Jibbs fics set to Evanescence songs. Thank you to Verity who helped me with picking the songs and coming up with the Jibbsy stuff to go with the songs :)

**Disclaimer- **Lyrics belong to Evanescence and Jen and Gibbs belong to CBS and Donald P Bellisaro.

**Summary- **Set from Jens point of view after a case that involves a mother/daughter getting killed brings up memories of Shannon/Kelly for Gibbs and its up to Jen to help him through it.

Major thank you to Verity who once again helped with so I finish this story. xx

**Give Unto Me.**

_**I've been watching you from a distance  
The distance sees through your disguise  
All I want from you is your hurting  
I want to heal you  
I want to save you from the dark **_

There was a knock on her office door she looked up and called out for the person to come in she was suprised to see Doctor Mallard walk into her office. She stood up and motioned for him to sit down at the table and she joined him.

"What can I do for you Ducky?" She asked him

"Its about Jethro dear" He told her still not sure if he was doing the right thing by coming to her about this.

She raised her eyebrows at her and looked at him with eyes narrowed "What do you mean is he injured? Got in trouble with legal again?" She looked at his face "Its something serious isn't is? Is he ok?" She asked him now worried the playfulness gone from her voice

"Its this latest case" He told her

"You're going to have to tell me more Ducky I just got back from a two day conference I have a desk full of memos and paper work I haven't caught up with his latest case tell me about it" She told him

"They got a call the morning you left a mother and daughter found dead in the kitchen the husband was a marine who was missing at first they thought he was a victim because there was his blood at the scene but then a witness came foward who had seen the husband leaving the scene with a young women driving the car they found the husband and his lover turns out he had killed the wife and daughter because he wanted a new life with the mistress. It hit Jethro hard bought up memories of..."

"Of Shannon and Kelly" She finished for him

"I don't know what you want me to do though" She told Ducky

"Jennifer I see the way you still watch him when you think no one is watching he does the same thing to you I know the two of you well enough to know that you are back together" He told her

She blushed when she heard him say that "Has anyone else.."

He shook his head "The only reason I noticed is beacause I was with you both in Paris. I remember the little things how you would watch each other and protect each other you get the same look in your eyes when you watch him as the one when he was shot in positano"

"And what if he doesn't want to see me? What if I cause him more pain? I can never replace Shannon or Kelly" She said

"He shouldn't be alone tonight and we both know that you are the only one he will talk to about them that you are the only one that can stop his nightmares he trusts you Jennifer" He told her before standing up and walking out of her office.

She sat for a few minutes in her office letting Duckys words sink in then she stood up gathered what she needed and left her office.

_**I've been watching you from a distance  
The distance sees through your disguise  
All I want from you is your hurting  
I want to heal you  
I want to save you from the dark **_

She walked slowly down the stairs to his basement watching him as he sat on the edge of the latest boat he was working on as she reached the bottom of the stairs he turned to look at her the look in his eyes made her rush over to him and throw her arms around him holding him tight.

After awhile she pulled away and looked at him closely trying to figure out what he was thinking. He avoided eye contact with her instead reaching for the mug of bourbon sitting next to him she pulled it out of his hands before he could drink any.

"Jen!" He protested reaching for the mug

"No, Its only going to make it hurt more trust me" She told him turning and walking over to the work bench that sat along one wall as she placed the mug down on the work bench she noticed old photographs sitting there they were photos of him holding a baby and a women that she guessed was Shannon she picked them up and walked back over to him.

She sat down beside him on the boat and held the photos so he could see them.

She could hear him take a sudden breath out of shock that she had picked up the photos she guessed

"Tell me about them" She told him

"You make it sound so easy Jen"

She laughed softly shaking her head "Jethro I know it isn't easy but tell me anyway. I'm not going anywhere we have all night" She said to him

_**Give unto me your troubles  
I'll endure your suffering  
Place onto me your burden  
I'll drink your deadly poison **_

He looked at the first photo she was holding and smiled at the memory. "That was the first time I held her" He told her reaching out and taking it from her hands running his finger over the photo smiling.

"Tell me more" She pressed him

He reached for the second photo she was holding "This one was just after her 2nd birthday she was running all around the place, She was always giggling and talking"

"What was her first word?" She asked him

His eyes clouded with tears "Da-da" He said doing his best to choke back tears

She put the photos down and scooted close to him closing the gap between them she put her arms around him once again holding him close till his breathing once again returned to normal. She released him from her embrace and moved to once again put distance between them but he grabbed her wrist and stopped her from moving "You don't have to move" He told her gently

She nodded wanting to be close to him as much as he wanted her to be close to him. He reached over her for the remaining photos shuffling through them until he found the one he was looking for. He held it out so she could see it she looked at him with raised eyebrows asking with her eyes _why that photo?_

"This is the last photo of all of us together I shipped out two days after it was taken. She didn't want me to leave she kept asking me to stay" He explained

"It wasn't you fault Jethro you didn't have a choice" She told him grabbing his spare hand and tracing circles on the palm of his hand with her thumb.

"Then why does it feel like it is?" He asked her choking back more tears

"Jethro its ok to let go of the guilt you have to let go of it because if you don't it will destory you and they wouldn't want that for you" She told him softly reaching up and touching his face gently wiping away the tears that he had been doing his best to stop from falling but he couldn't hold them in any longer.

"Shhh its ok to cry" Shr told him kissing away his tears as they flowed freely

He laughed through his tears "Jen that is easier said than done"

"I know but i'm right here and i'm not going anywhere" She told him gently linking her fingers through his once again and leaning in to kiss him.

She lent against him wrapping her other arm around his waist so they both had the much needed comfort the closeness provided after a few moments of silence he spoke

"I just can't believe that a father would do that to his own wife his own daughter Jen it... it was horrible" He choked out

She pulled away and placed a hand on his cheek forcing him to look at her "I know Jethro I know" She told him holding him close to her crying herself now.

They held each other close for awhile just listening to each others breathing and finding comfort in knowing the other was there.

_**Fear not the flame of my love's candle  
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness  
Give unto me all that frightens you  
I'll have your nightmares for you  
If you sleep soundly **_

"You know that I love you and if I could I would stop it hurting every time you thought of them" She told him

He nodded "I know Jen"

He was silent and she bumped her shoulder against his "Whats on your mind?" She asked him

He was silent for a few more seconds then told her what was on his mind

"Being in love with you scares me sometimes Jen" He told her honestly

"Why?"

"Because I haven't loved anyone as much as I love you since Shannon and it makes me feel as if i'm falling like i'm going to lose you to"

Jen reached up and cupped the side of his face looking into his eyes she told him "I'm right here Jethro i'm always going to be here to catch you and you are never going to lose me I promise you that"

"Its not to late Jen?" He asked her

"Jethro it is never to late I will catch you every time you fall just like I know you will catch me"

She lent her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes and breathed in his scent it always calmed her and she loved how it hadn't changed in the years since she had last been this close to him coffee, sawdust and bourbon she would never have thought that the combination of the three would be the one thing apart from him that would be the greatest comfort to her in her adult years.

He started stroking her upper arm "What you thinking about Jen?"

She smiled and opened her eyes "I'm thinking that I am tired and want to go to sleep" She told him

He nodded and stood up still with her leaning against him and they walked up the stairs to his bedroom.

She watched him as he slept she reached out and traced the lines of his face. He stirred gently and she pulled her hand back from his face not wanting to wake him for she knew that it was the first time he had slept since the case began.

"You're meant to be sleeping Jen" He told her his voice thick with sleep

"I will soon" She told him

He reached out and pulled her close to him nestling his head into her neck he kissed her "Thank you for.."

"Shh go to sleep Jethro" She told him reaching out for his hand she linked her fingers through his.

"I love you Jen" He told her before falling back into sleep

She kissed his hand "I love you to" She told him

_**Fear not the flame of my love's candle  
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness**_

**The End.**_**  
**_


	3. Missing

**Warning: **Graphic mentions/descriptions of Self Harming within this story, Don't read if this kind of thing offends you and please no abuse.

**Disclaimer: **Lyrics belong to Amy Lee and Evanescence. Jen and Gibbs belong to CBS etc.

Set right after Kill Ari Part 1 where Jen and Gibbs met again for the first time after she left him in Paris.

For Hayden you have held my hand through all of the times I couldn't fight my monsters alone, Thank you for everything xoxo

**Missing.**

_**You won't cry for my absence, I know -  
You forgot me long ago.  
Am I that unimportant...?  
Am I so insignificant...?  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?**_

She took a deep breathe and smiled at NCIS Director soon to be ex Director Tom Morrow as he lead her into MTAC.

"So I think the only Agent that will give you any trouble is one Leory Jethro Gibbs" Tom explained to her sitting down and motioning for her to sit beside him which she did.

When she heard the name _'Leory Jethro Gibbs'_ Her eyes widended immediatly

Tom noticed this and couldn't help but smile _'Ahhh so maybe all those rumours were true all those years ago' _He thought to himself

"Do you know Jethro?" He asked her scanning her face for any signs of angst

She smiled tightly "We did a mission a long time ago together, I haven't seen him since" She told him carefuly

He nodded and then a tech walked over to him handing him a folded piece of paper announcing that one Leory Jethro Gibb was waiting for him outside.

Tom nodded and the tech and told him to let him enter, A few seconds later Jen found herself turning around and looking into the ice blue eyes that used to make her feel so safe and warm, But now they were full of suprise, hate but most of all hurt.

"Hello Jethro" She said softly wanting nothing more than to reach out and link her fingers through his like they had many years before in Paris, But she knew that was something she could never do again and that made her sadder than she had felt in a long time.

"J--J--Jen" He stammered shocked to see the one women who he had loved with all of his heart, Standing before him wearing a short skirt and blouse that left enough to the imagaination but showed enough that it made him want to pull her close to him to see if she still smelt the same, If the same spot on her neck still drove her crazy.

Tom Morrow watched the exchange and looks between the two with interest after a few minutes he coughed and dragged their attention back to him "Jethro, I want you to meet your new boss NCIS Director Jennifer Shepard" He said

Gibb's eyes widended as Tom said Director and he felt his heart harden and his mind wander back to the letter he had found back in Paris, She had left him for the job once and now she had bought back to him by the job.

Tom then shook Jethro's hand and wished Jenny luck then he was gone leaving the two of them alone still staring at each other words not needed their eyes and body language speaking more loudly than any words could.

"Jethro" She said reaching her hand out to touch his arm

But it was like she was on fire for he stepped back sharply from her "Don't" He told her harshly

Then before she could say or do anything he had turned on his heel and stormed out of MTAC the sound of the heavy door slamming shut echoing in her mind taunting her.

_**And if I bleed, I'll bleed,  
Knowing you don't care.  
And if I sleep just to dream of you  
I'll wake without you there,  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't something...**_

She couldn't stop the voice in her mind taunting her, screaming at her how it was all her fault how she deserved this pain _It's all your fault Jenny look at you. How could you even think that he would love you again, you walked away from him, you broke his heart and now you want him back you are even more stupid than I thought, The voice taunted her cruely._

She closed her eyes and covered her face with her hands and shook her head trying to stop the tears and shake away the voice but it didn't work, Instead the voice got stronger she tried everything to stop it but nothing worked finally she knew what she had to do, Her mind felt clearer now that it had in a long time she felt almost calm as she rose from her bed and walked over to the bathroom and pulled the scissors from the cabinet shelf. She stared down at how they seemed to glisten in the harsh light of her bathroom, against the white basin they stood out calling out to her to use them to make her pain away suddenly the voice came back strong but comforting at the same time _All you have to do is a few cuts Jenny and it will all be better, no more pain, no more thinking about him anymore _it promised her. She nodded as if the voice was a person sitting on the bathroom floor with her, she slowly rolled up her sleeve looking at the half healed scars that already criss crossed over her lily white skin she winced as she thought about how ugly they looked angry, red risen scars but once again the voice was there to reassure her, _Its ok Jenny they don't matter all that matters is making the pain go away. _Once again she nodded as if it was in the room with her.

She then closed her eyes and pressed the scissors at first gently then deeper into the soft skin of her arm, She cried out as she felt the warm flow of blood running down her arm but she didn't stop after a few instead she moved the scissors to further up her arm and dug them in once again this time harder and deeper she pulled the scissors away sharply when she felt the stabbing sensation start to flow through her body, Not long after followed the rush of feeling good once again. The warm trails of blood down her arm didn't stop and she snapped her eyes open and stared at her arm and couldn't stop herself from gasping.

She had been expecting a little blood but not the amount that flowed down her arm down onto her pj bottoms, onto the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. She couldn't stop the tears flowing just as freely as the blood from her arm. She moved to push herself up from the cold floor but found that her arm wouldn't support her, frustrated, upset, angry and scared she cried out then slid down so she was lying on her side on the cool tiles of her bathroom she held her arm up a little and watched as the blood flowed down in red ribbons falling from her arm splashing onto the tiles beside her, She then realised that one of the cuts that was bleeding so freely was very near her wrist this scared her and made her want to pull herself up and call for help but then the voice came back assuring her _Don't worry Jenny, It can't hurt you anymore isn't this pain better than thinking about him?_ This time she shook her head but she felt so tired, her limbs felt so heavy and she felt herself start to slip away she started sobbing loudly wishing that she could go back, that she could undo the last cut to her wrist she wished that someone would wonder where she was and come looking for her before it was to late as her eyes closed she felt the voice talking soothing words to her like it was wrapping a blanket around her keeping her safe from the darkness.

_**Even though I'm the sacrifice,  
You won't try for me, not now.  
Though I'd die to know you love me,  
I'm all alone.  
Isn't something missing?  
Isn't someone missing me?**_

She heard someone calling her name and shaking her shoulder frantically, She thought it was a dream and moved to push them away but almost screamed at the sudden sharp shooting pain that came from the arm she had tried to move. She then felt strong warm hands wrapping something around her arm and demanding to know what she had done? How long had she been on the floor for? Did she think she could walk? She couldn't open her eyes she felt so tired, So heavy still all she wanted was for this person to leave her alone, To let sleep take her away from the pain she was feeling but they wouldn't leave her alone. She heard them pleading her to open her eyes but she couldn't they felt so so heavy. She then faintly heard them calling for a ambulance but the voice felt so, so far away from her she wanted to open her eyes and push this person away, she wanted to tell them that she didn't want their help or anyones help she just wanted to forget, forget the pain, the heartbreak, the hurt. But she then felt them pick her up and hold her close against them, She tried to open her eyes but only managed to flutter them open for a few seconds. "Jethro?" She murmered suprised and scared at the same time _God Jenny what must he think coming in and finding me lying on my bathroom floor covered in blood and passed out. _"Yea its me Jen, Keep talking to me" He told her holding her closer to him watching her wishing the damm ambulance would hurry up.

She closed her eyes again "To tired" She murmered she then leaned into him listening to his heartbeat as he carried her down the stairs, By the time he had walked to the bottom of the stairs the ambulance was outside and he rushed to meet them. He placed her down on the stretcher in the back and held the hand of her good arm as the ambo worked on her right arm as the ambulance screamed its way through the washington streets to bethusda hospital.

"Is she naval or is it you?" The ambo asked Gibbs as he had finished wrapping Jens arm and hooking her up to oxygen and monitoring her heart that was all he could do till they reached the hospital.

"We are both NCIS Special Agents" He told the Ambo flashing him his badge, Deciding that he was not going to mention that Jen was the Director of NCIS cause if the media got hold of this he knew it would hurt her in more ways than one.

The Ambo nodded and turned his attention back to the patient.

_**Please, please forgive me,  
But I won't be home again.  
Maybe someday you'll look up,  
And, barely conscious, you'll say to no one:  
"Isn't something missing?"  
**_

She felt herself slipping into the darkness further she could still feel Gibbs hand in hers, She could hear him talking to her softly say sweet words to reassure her that she was going to be ok, But for the first time in her life she doubted the words that Leory Jethro Gibbs was saying to her and that scared her.

The Ambulance pulled into the hospital and Jen was taken straight through to the emergency room. She could hear doctors and nurses talking in medical terms all around her, She then heard Jethros voice demanding to know what was going on, Would she be ok? Then she felt his warm hand slip back into her own cold one

After what felt like years she could feel the bed she was lying on moving down a hallway, Jethro's hand still holding on tightly to hers, She then heard the soft kind voice of a nurse telling him that the doctor had given her something to help her sleep and they didn't expect her to wake up before the morning and that he should go home and be rested for her when she woke up tomorrow.

She smiled in her mind as she felt him squeezing her hand harder as he told the nurse nicely but sharply that he was not leaving Jens side untill she woke up and knew that he loved her.

She could almost hear the nurse smiling as she told him that she would arrange for a cot to be bought in so he could get some sleep if he wanted to, But Jen knew that he wouldn't leave her side or be letting go of her hand untill he saw with his own eyes that she was awake and ok.

She felt the room grow darker but still she heard him talking to her about nothing really, She heard him telling her about his team about how Abby she smiled briefly remembering the young gothic girl that seemed to remind Gibbs of his own lost daughter, the way he talked about Abby she could tell that he was proud of all the young women had achieved and that he would always watch out for the young girl.

She let her mind wander to thoughts of Gibb's own daughter the one she knew so little about, He had told her one night about them she remebered sitting up all night with him long after the Bourbon was finished long after the sand paper had gone blunt long after the candles she had spread around his basement had burned out they had sat on his boat named after his lost daughter, sharing the pain of his loss she had held him in her arms till they both had felt like there demons had left them.

Awhile later she felt his thumb rubbing over the back of her hand like she had done to him to calm down his anger whenever she had noticed it flaring up within him, She smiled and slowly opened her eyes they felt heavy still but not as heavy as before she found herself staring into his ice blue eyes and this time saw concern and love in them. She smiled weakly at him "Hey" She whisperd softly

His face broke into a huge grin when he saw that she was awake "Hey yourself" He told her standing up and brushing a kiss against her forehead she closed her eyes briedly as she felt his lips brush against her skin.

When he sat back down she squeezed her hand gently "You feeling ok?" He asked her gently his eyes running all over her face watching her for reaction to his question.

"Apart from feeling like my arm has been ripped open with something like a butchers knife, I'm fine" She told him

She saw a flash of pain run across his face as she mentioned her arm and she squeezed his hand again and stared into this eyes "You know it isn't your fault don't you Jethro" She told him firmly

"After what I said to you..." He let himself trail off not wanting to finish the sentance

"Jethro you trust me don't you?" She asked him

"Of course Jen" He assured her kissing her hand to assure her

"Then trust me when I say it wasn't what you said I...I have been finding things hard for a long time now" She explained softly feeling tears starting to form as she thought back to the pain and hurt that the last few months had bought to her.

He kissed her hand again, then looked into her eyes "Jen you arn't going to be alone anymore, I promise you" He told her meaning every word he was saying

"Don't promise unless you can keep it please Jethro, I.. I can't do it alone anymore" She told him softly

He traced shapes all over the back of her hand and this time leant over and kissed her gently on the mouth then when he pulled away he saw in her eyes that she trusted him. "I promise Jen" He whispered to her

_**Can you stop, please?  
Can you stop the fire?  
You cant stop the fire,**_

_**Can you stop, please?  
Can you stop the fire?  
You cant stop the fire,**_

**The End.**

Everyone loves reviews and so do I!! :) So please do review and let me know what you think


	4. Anywhere

_**Dear my love, haven't you wanted to be with me  
And dear my love, haven't you longed to be free  
I can't keep pretending that I don't even know you  
And at sweet night, you are my own  
Take my hand**_

'Jen we both agreed that we would keep work at work that when we are at home we would spend time with each other without the worries and tension of work' He tried explaining it to her making a attempt to hold her hand but she pulled her hand back sharply and turned her head to look at him  
'You're right Jethro, we agreed. So why did you open your mouth? You might as well have told the whole Agency we were sleeping together' She cried at him  
'I didn't say that at all Jen I said...' The glare she gave him made him stop mid sentence.

"Jethro…my job could be on the line if this gets out. I can't put my job in jeopardy.' She started pacing around her lounge. Gibbs glared at her.

"Of course, your job is always more important Jen" He cried. She spun on her heal around to face him.

"That's not fair Jethro. I have worked hard for this…you can't ask me to…"

"To what Jen?" He interrupted, his hands fisting by his sides. He looked furious. "To put someone else first rather than yourself?"

"Oh that's rich coming from Mr Shut Myself Up In My Basement." They were both glaring at each other, anger rolling off them in waves. Their faces were inches from each other and Gibbs resisted the urge to grab her roughly and pull her to him. He took a step back.

"You did this once before Jen, Remember Paris?" He reminded her angrily

"Don't make this hard Jethro, you know I love you" She told him the anger losing out to the pain he had just caused in her heart

"Fine. I will make this easy for you then Jen" She opened her mouth to ask what he meant. She understood as he spun around and stormed out of her house, slamming the door behind him, leaving the house vibrating with both the force of the slam and his anger. Jen sighed and sat heavily down at her desk, grabbing her glass of bourbon with a shaky hand. Their relationship was always going to be tumultuous but this was ridiculous. It wasn't just her job that was holding her back from shouting from the rooftops about their relationship, there was something else holding her back. She loved the cocoon of secrecy they had surrounded themselves in but Jethro had been getting restless. She sighed again. She loved him, of that, she had no doubt, she just had to figure out how to tell him and everyone else.

_****_

We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning's light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where no one needs a reason

They had been avoiding each other. Ever since the argument that ended with him storming out of her house. It was getting harder and herder to do. He sent Tony up to ask for signatures and she sent Cynthia down to relay messages. It was getting to the point where if she didn't do something now, they would end up drifting apart forever. _**  
**_"Director SecNav is on standby in MTAC he wants to talk to you ASAP" Cynthia told Jen as she walked into her office.  
Jen nodded and rose from her chair and followed Cynthia out of her office and to MTAC as she entered the darkened room she could tell instantly that something was wrong instead of the usual techs that sat along the wall their was only McGee looking very nervous and fidgeting avoiding all eye contact with her it was then that she noticed that SecNav was glaring at her from the large screen. She accepted the headset that McGee held out to her still avoiding looking at her.  
"Director" SecNav greeted her, his voice letting her know that it was her in trouble  
"I'm guessing there is a reason you called this meeting when we are due to be talking this afternoon?" She asked him deciding that if she spoke sharply like she usually did SecNav wouldn't notice he was getting to her.  
But it didn't work.  
"I have been getting calls. Some very worrying calls Director" He told her  
She took a deep breath cursing Jethro in her mind _Damm how could he be so stupid as to let the tension be so obvious at work _She chided him.  
"Concerning you and a certain Special Agent Jethro Gibbs" SecNav started, She opened her mouth to protest but he held up his hand and gave her a look clearly telling her to let him continue she closed her mouth but in her mind she was screaming at him.  
"It has been bought to my attention that you are having a ahhh... personal relationship outside of work hours it seems" SecNav continued.  
Jen couldn't help but smile slightly at his obvious discomfort at trying to describe her and Gibbs relationship.  
"I don't suppose you are going to tell me who called you?" She asked him giving him her usual raised eyebrow look doing her best to act normal as though this conversation wasn't bothering her at all.  
"You know very well I can't are you admitting that these rumors are true?" He asked her  
"I don't have to answer that. Do you even have any evidence to back up these accusations?" She demanded feeling herself losing control of her anger  
"Ahhh well you have to understand Director that I have been called by more than six people some very important members of NCIS even a member of the FBI called me this morning"  
She glared at the screen "So you are telling me that you are believing the word of six people none who have any evidence to back up their claims, Over me the Director of NCIS" She shouted. The SecNav looked a little taken aback at her outburst but before he could respond, Jen carried swiftly on.

"I can assure you, Sir, that if there was any truth to these rumors that it would in no way affect my ability to do my job. But if you do not trust me, then you better terminate my contract now because I cannot work for someone who doesn't trust my abilities." She took a deep breath, ok Jen, she thought to herself, maybe this time you went slightly too far. The SecNav stared at her, the seconds seemed to drag on. Finally he spoke.

"Director, I can assure you, I had no intention of questioning your abilities. There will be no need to terminate your contract. Just…" His face softend as he looked at Jen, "Please Jennifer, be careful not to let this get in the way. I know how hard you worked to get this job, I hate to see you lose it over something like this, Something that could be worked out if need" He severed the transmission before Jen had an opportunity to reply. McGee looked worriedly at her. She thrust the headset into his hands and all but ran out. She had some explaining to do.  
_**  
**__**Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you  
Forget this life  
Come with me  
Don't look back you're safe now  
Unlock your heart  
Drop your guard  
No one's left to stop you now**_

"I'm sorry." He had barely opened the door let alone heard her words before she was plastered to him and he found his arms full of Jen. She kissed him deeply and he could do nothing but return it. When she eventually pulled away she looked vaguely embarrassed.

He couldn't help the smile, _She looks so cute when shes embarrassed _he thought to himself watching her bite her lip waiting anxiously to see what his response was Noticing that her eyes had left his face and it looked like she was getting ready to run he reached out for her arm and pulled her back into his arms.

"Don't apologize." He told her kissing her nose, then down her neck he heard her trying to speak but then he found the spot on her neck that made her forget everything she wanted to tell him as much as she wanted to let him continue she wanted, needed to explain to him so she shook her head and stepped out of his arms.

"No…let me, please." She took a deep breath. "I enjoyed us being a secret. I didn't think anybody else needed to know. But I know it wasn't going to stay that way. I don't care about my job Jethro, I really don't." Her voice broke and he reached for her and kissed her again. She reached her arms up and wrapped them around his neck. 'I _Kiss _love _Kiss _you' She told him between kisses. She then pulled away "I'm so sorry about everything I shouldn't have pushed you away. You mean more to me than the job if SecNav wants to fire me, he can, you are all that I need now and alway" She told him quietly.

He nodded not trusting his voice, He then pulled in for another kiss and when the need for air became to much for them both he pulled away and rested his forehead against hers "So you wanna come inside Jen" He teased her lightly

She smiled "Sounds good as much as i'm sure your neighbours are loving the view..." She squealed in suprise forgetting about her sentance as he pulled her inside and had her back pressed against the back off the front door kissing her hungrily.

_**  
**__**We're leaving here tonight  
There's no need to tell anyone  
They'd only hold us down  
So by the morning's light  
We'll be half way to anywhere  
Where love is more than just your name**_

**The End.**

Reviews simply rock and I love getting them, Who doesn't right lolz so please review :)


	5. Even in death

**Disclaimer: **Lyrics are Amy Lee's and Ben Moody's. Jen and Gibb's belong to CBS etc.

**Note: **A night in Paris for Jen and Gibbs. Kinda smutty (My sister helped) lolz

**Before the Dawn.**

_**Meet me after dark again and I'll hold you  
I want nothing more than to see you there  
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away,  
We'll be lost before the dawn...**_

She sat down on the couch of the house that NCIS had bought for the undercover mission in Paris it had been home to her and her partner and now also her lover NCIS special agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs for over 8 months now and she loved everything about it, She loved the city she could see why it was called the 'City of love' for everyday that her and Jethro had been together in this city had been magical for not only her but him also she had been keeping a journal of their time here and every time she flicked through the pages she loved seeing the photos of the two of them laughing together arms wrapped around each other, or the funny photos of them in different poses or the more professional ones of them that Doctor 'Ducky' Mallard had given her only days before of her and Jethro at different functions that they had attended over the past months she had just finished gluing them in the other dae and adding small notes under each photo so she would have the memories always.

Blue writing caught her eye as she flicked over the last couple of pages and she couldn't help but laugh to herself as she read the little notes that Jethro had added through out her journal, She ran her finger over the words tracing them smiling to herself.

"I was wondering when you would find them" He said softly but still causing her to jump and squeal she spun around and saw the face of her lover smiling cheekily at her "Jethro, How many times have I told you not to sneak up on me one of these days I am going to shoot you, you do know that?" She told him sternly trying to keep the laughter out of her voice.

But he knew her to well, and reached over and snaked his arms around her waist and nestled his head into her neck breathing in her smell and kissing her gently down her neck.

"Mmmmm Jethro, If you don't stop we arn't going to even make it to our dinner reservations" She told him teasingly loving every kiss he was trailing down her neck

He trailed more kisses down her neck and slowly, gently bit down on her neck loving how she wriggled underneath him and moaned his name

_**Somehow I know that we can't wake again from this dream  
It's not real, but it's ours**_

They left the restaurant and found that it was now raining he groaned silently to himself knowing that she was going to stop his attmepts at ordering a taxi and sure enough when he suggested it she spun around and looked at him with eyes wide and mock shock in them

"Jethro, There is nothing in the rain you know how much I love it" She told him slipping her hand into his and linking her long warm fingers through his own and tracing small shapes over the back of his hand.

And sure enough soon he found himself walking down the Paris streets that lead them back to their house, Instead of walking qucikly to avoid getting soaked to the bone. She walked slowly with him swaying her hips and running her free hand under his shirt, her warm fingers against his cool, wet skin drove him crazy and made him want to lead her into the nearest allyway and push her against a rough brick wall and show her how much he loved her.

He felt her hand slip lower and he felt himself losing control of himself

"Jen" he growled warning her but she simply smiled wickedly at him and asked in a innocent voice "Something wrong Jethro?"

He rolled his eyes and traced down her back with his spare hand causing shivers to run down her spine.

She saw a park just ahead and hurried foward for the entrance pulling him after her.

_**If only night could hold you where I can see you, my love  
Then let me never ever wake again  
And maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn...**_

"I love the rain" She told him before lying down on the grass and snaking her arms around his neck and pulling him down to her

Gibbs was silent watching Jen trying to decide whether or not it was a good idea to go with what she was leading them into

He found her irrsistable all the time, but now in the pouring rain and moonlight, so happy, he felt more in love with her than ever and made him want nothing more than to take her then and there.

He was pulled out of his thoughts by Jen trailing kisses down his chest as she opened his shirt then pushed it off his shoulers. She was looking up at him, her eyes bright, and full of desire for him he bent down to kiss her lips and she opened her mouth welcomingly even letting his tounge win the fight that they usually battled She felt his arms tighten around her and his hands on her stomach held her against him. His tongue was pressing hard into her mouth and she whimpered reaching down to undo his belt.

Jen was now trembling, partly from anticipation, and partly because the rain was freezing and she was laying half naked on the wet grass, but she ignored it choosing instead to tangle her fingers in his hair, and sink her teeth into the rain soaked cold flesh on his shoulder. He swore surprised for she was always chiding him for leaving bite marks over her milky white skin he teased her by pushing a finger inside her. She moaned and almost screamed out his name. He smiled down at her as she lay on the grass thinking how beautiful she looked right now she pulled him out of his thoughts once again this time she rid him of his pants and boxers so now there was nothing between them anymore.

Jethro licked and bit down her neck then trailed back up to her mouth and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. "I love you Jenny." He whispered into her ear.

Then he slipped into her she arched into him digging her nails into his shoulders then his back raking them up and down as each thrust drove her closer and closer. He bit down on her shoulder then licked and kissed over the mark then trailed more down her neck untill he reached her navel then he licked his way back up to her lips and started fighting with her tounge this time them both fighting for control.

He thrust harder and faster now, Jen losing control of herself and moaning his name into his ear over and over her panting moans driving him closer and closer and moments later he bought them both over the edge.

He then slipped out of her and lay down on the wet cool grass but it felt good against his skin which felt like it was on fire from her kisses and touches. He pulled her so she was draped over his chest kissing him allover.

He held her close till they both had their breathing almost back to normal, He looked around them and saw their clothes that had been thrown off in the urgency of the moment and shook his head.

She noticed this movement and looked up at him with questioning eyes

"We have to get dressed Jen" He told her

She looked at her dress and sighed thinking how it would be the last time she would be wearing that dress.

She nodded and stood up reaching her hand down to help him up they both scrambled into their wet clothes, She grabbed his hand and linked it through her own and lead her back quickly to their house.

As she lay tangled in the sheets and him she thought back over that night and the last few months and wished they could stay like this forever. She felt him stirring and pulled him into her arms, She brushed her lips against his cheek then closed her eyes and fell into sleep with him safe in her arms.

_**Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn...**_

Maybe tonight, we'll fly so far away  
We'll be lost before the dawn...

**The End.**

Really would love reviews!!


	6. My Immortal

**A/N-** The last one for this collection. Major Angst and tissue warning for this story! Sorry guys.

**Disclaimer- **As usual the lyrics arn't mine they belong to Amy Lee & Ben Moody, & Jen, Gibbs & all NCIS things belong to CBS & Donald P Bellisaro (God hes a lucky bastard!!... Maybe he needs a wife? :P )

**My Immortal.**

_When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears  
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears  
And I held your hand through all of these years  
But you still have  
All of me _

They lay wrapped in each other his hands linked through her own resting on her 8 month pregnant stomach where their twin boys lay. She felt a gentle thump against her stomach and tiltled her head upwards to look at Gibbs, "Did you feel that?" She whispered to him moving his hand qucikly to where the soft thumps were still coming strong. He nuzzled her neck "I sure did, Its amazing" He whispered to her kissing her neck gently. She sighed happily leaning into his body even more than before.

"I love you" She whispered to him not wanting to break the magical spell that had settled over them.

"I love you to" He told her as they both drifted off into sleep.

Jen woke up hours later feeling the sharp pains in her stomach she shook Gibbs arm "Jethro!" She exclaimed

"Mmmm" He answered rolling over to the other side of the bed wanting sleep and not picking up on the urgent tone her voice had.

She tried again digging her fingernails into his arm "JETHRO!" She yelped and he sat up instantly grabbing at her hand that was digging into his arm

"Whats wrong are you ok?" He asked panicked

"Noo owww" She moaned "I...I think i'm having contractions" She breathed out between the increasingly sharp pains

"Are you..." He stopped talking when he felt her grip go limp and her moans stop

"Jen, Jen, JEN!" He yelled at her shaking her trying to wake her

"Shit" He swore to himself reaching for his cellphone and calling a ambulance and then Ducky.

Half a hour later he found himself sitting in the hard plastic Bethusda waiting room chairs that he had been in so many times waiting on news of a member of his team but this time was different, this was his wife and his babies.

"Jethro everything is going to be fine, Nicholas is a excellent Doctor" Ducky told him pushing a plastic cup of coffee into Gibbs hands.

Gibbs shook his head, "How can you be so sure Duck?" He asked sadly

Ducky sighed deeply, "Nothing in this life is certain Jethro, We just have to hope and stay strong you know how strong Jennifer is she will get through this"

At that moment the Doctor apeared and walked over to Gibbs and Ducky, "Agent Gibbs?" He asked, and Gibbs stood up and accepted the hand the Doctor offered.

"How is my wife?" He asked the Doctor.

"She is ok, we have her stable now you can go and see her in a minute, But i'm afraid it isn't such good news about your sons" The doctor explained giving Gibbs a minute to take in all he had been told.

Ducky stepped foward knowing Gibbs needed him to ask the question "What is wrong exactly Nicholas?" Ducky asked placing a hand on Gibbs shoulder

"Basically Jennifer has had A placental abruption which had caused her to start having contractions and the bleeding means the babies were in distress. We have given her a IV and she is awake and the bleeding stopped which brought the babies heart rate back down to a normal level but then their heart rate dropped to a very low level we had to perform a emergency C section and your babies are now on oxygen they can't breathe on their own and are still in distress which is worrying to us the next 24 hours are going to be very important. I'm sorry I don't have better news for you"

"Have you told Jennifer?" Ducky asked

"No, I thought it would be better coming from you if you don't think you can though I can come in with you and explain" Nicholas offered

Ducky shook his head looking at Gibbs "Its ok, I can do it" He said

"Which room?" Gibbs asked

"205. I am honestly sorry that I don't have better news for you" Nicholas said quietly

Gibbs just nodded and walked down the hallway with Ducky beside him.

_These wounds won't seem to heal  
This pain is just too real  
There's just too much that time cannot erase _

After the second day of sitting at the hospital watching their twin boys fight for every breath Ducky had persuaded them to go home to clean up and get some rest they had walked out of the hospital both feeling so tired and defeated she didn't even register on the way home that they had left the hospital till she felt him leaning over and undoing her seatbelt for her.

"Jen?" He questioned her softly and she just shook her head.

He nodded and had slipped his arms around her and helped her out of the car, up the front path and lead her through to the lounge sitting her down on the large soft couch before walking through to the kitchen to make them some both needed coffee.

Minutes later she felt the couch sag as he sat down beside her placing a cup of coffe into her hands without a word spoken between them, with her spare hand she grabbed his and linked her fingers around his offering the strength she knew they both needed. Silence settled over them long after they had drunk the coffee and now the empty mugs sat on the carpet. His phone broke the silence and she pulled her hand away instantly not able to look at him as he stood and answered the phone.

She heard him hang up the phone and looked at him tears in his own eyes her hands flew to her still swollen stomach and she looked at him begging him to say the words she needed to hear but instead she saw him walk slowly till he was standing in front of her and she dug her fingers into his arm as he shook his head slowly, she felt her legs give out, heard herself her screaming _No_ over and over again his strong arms around her waist holding her to him holding her up as she slowly sank down onto the floor with him.

"Jen..." He started but her pain filled words stopped him

"No, no...no no...They are wrong...so so wrong" She sobbed still holding her stomach

"They have to be" She sobbed "No, No, No"

He held her, brushed her hair out of her eyes with one hand the other still firmly around her waist.

"Jethro, Tell me they are wrong" She begged not wanting to look at him for she knew the fear and pain that was in her own eyes she would see mirrored in his.

He didn't say a word instead he stood and gently bent down and scooped her into his arms she wound her arms around his neck automatically she buried her face into his neck her tears flowing down under his collar.

He carried her up the stairs towards their bedroom past the room that was meant to hold their twins, Instead it would now only hold empty pain filled memories.

"Shhhh" He soothed her lying her down on the bed pulling comforters and blankets that had been discarded in such a hurry from _that_ morning _it seemed like a lifetime ago they were lying there wrapped in each other talking to their babies _he thought as he pulled them over her now shaking body, he moved to the closet to pull more blankets down to cover her but her long shaking fingers reached out and closed over his wrist _she feels so, so cold _his mind screamed at him "Don't...don't leave me Jethro" She choked out fresh tears falling from her red swollen eyes.

He nodded and linked his fingers through her own. "I'm not going to Jen, I just have to turn the lights off" He told her kneeling beside her and running his fingers through her long red hair to calm not only her but him also, he kissed her head gently before standing and walking out of the room, She turned and sobbed into his pillow wrapping her arms around herself, hating herself, blaming herself for the loss of their twins.

She felt him come back into the bedroom, felt the bed sink on his side as he sat down, heard his shoes clunk as they hit the floor. She felt him lie next to her push more blankets over her body that felt so, so cold._ I feel so empty _she thought her hands running over her now empty stomach instead of the hard smooth bump it was soft and there were no small kicks to be felt.

As if he could read her thoughts she felt him pull her close to him, her hands left her stomach wrapping them around his back pulling him to her so that she was almost underneath him.

"I never knew anything could hurt this much" She whispered into the stillness that had settled over the two of them.

He didn't answer her but she didn't mind for she hadn't asked a him a question she had instead voiced what they were both thinking, She searched for his hand with her own and linked her fingers through squeezing gently to show him silent support.

_I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone  
But though you're still with me  
I've been alone all along _

She watched the new little life in her arms and couldn't help but cry, She felt his hand on her back and seconds later heard him whisper in her ear "Its ok Jen"

She then heard Ziva hissing "Tony!" Then hitting him. Jen turned to look at the two of them, Ziva lying in the hospital bed propped up with so many pillows Jen couldn't help but wonder if Tony had stolen every one in the hospital for her, Her gaze then travelled to Tony and she couldn't help but nudge her husband as she saw what Tony had in his right hand,The digital camera that McGee and Abby had given Ziva and Tony when they found out they were having a baby was turned on and faced towards Jen and Gibbs.

"Dinozzo" Gibbs warned not even having to step closer to Tony for Tony reacted immediatly.

"Sorry Boss, I got it no photos without asking first" Tony told Gibbs

Ziva still stared at him and held out her hand for the camera "Give it to me Tony" She told him

"Aww come on sweet cheeks, I promise I won't..." He was cut off as Ziva leaned over and snatched it out of his unsuspecting hand.

"No photos untill I see a mirror!" Ziva told him sternly shooting him a look that showed she meant business

"Not nice sweet cheeks, Not nice" Tony whined shaking the fingers that she had almost broken.

Jen laughed as did Gibbs "Don't ever try to mess with Ziva Tony, You should know that by now" Jen teased him walking over and placing Ziva and Tonys daughter back into Zivas arms.

"Shes beautiful Ziva" She whispered into Zivas ear holding back her tears for she knew how special it was that Ziva and Tony had allowed her and Gibbs in on this special first family moment.

"We will let you guys be alone for awhile" Jen told them softly smiling as she watched Tony move to the bed and Ziva scoot over to make room for them.

Ziva looked up and smiled at Jenny smiling at her oldest friend in the states, "Thank you Jenny, For everything" She said finding herself wanting to cry again.

Jen let go off Gibbs hand and hurried over to wrap Ziva in a careful hug

"We'll talk tomorrow" Ziva whispered into Jens ear

Jen pulled away looking at Ziva suprised that Ziva was thinking about Jens own pain at this very happy moment for Ziva and Tony.

Ziva and Tony watched as Jen and Gibbs walked out of the hospital room and turned to look at each other smiling

"Do you think they will be ok Tony?" Ziva asked softly looking at the baby girl that lay safe in her own arms

Tony reached out gently brushing the dark hair that covered their baby girls head, "They will be, You know how strong they are" He told her

_You used to captivate me  
By your resonating life  
Now I'm bound by the life you've left behind  
Your face it haunts  
My once pleasant dreams  
Your voice it chased away  
All the sanity in me_

They walked through there own front door and she reached for his hand automatically smiling as she felt him link his fingers through hers his silent way of letting her know he was there.

"You ok?" He asked her softly both knowing he was asking so much more than just that.

She turned around so she was facing him and his arms automatically wound around her back and waist holding her against him, She buried her head into his neck and breathed in deep.

"I love you" She told him

"I know and I love you to Jen" He told her tracing patterns on her back to calm her.

**The End.**

Don't hate me! But I wanted a different ending than what I would usually give where everything is fine.


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